I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
