I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
