I faked an abortion last night.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
