ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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