I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
