I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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