It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
