White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
