I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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