I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
