How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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