why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
