And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
