i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
