youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
