If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
