I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
