I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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