Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
