i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
