ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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