Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
