there's paper in my vomit.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
