I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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