Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
