That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
