Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
