I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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