I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
