break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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