Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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