Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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