...so i touched it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
