What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
