Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
