Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
