take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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