Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
