alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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