So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
