glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
