Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
