I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
