We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
