My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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