Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
