The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
