You smell like stripper and shame
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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