please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
