I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
