I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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