i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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