Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
