distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
