my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
