my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
