Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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