Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
