This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
