you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
