Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
