I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
