I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
did you just send me my own nude
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
