You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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