I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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