Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
