Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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