If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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